People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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