just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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