Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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