I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
