So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
