First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
