Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
