Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
