why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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