the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
