Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
