It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
