I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
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Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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