The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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