She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
