I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
