dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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