I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
