Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
