I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
