I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
