I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
