Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
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