I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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