Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just invented taco cereal.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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