I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Of course I have a pirate flag
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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