If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
