You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
splinters make it hard to masturbate
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
