hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
