Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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