Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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