did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
