I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
