Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
