so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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