Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize