i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
