walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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