I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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