Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
