we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize