I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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