i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
