I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
