I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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