i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
