remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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