I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
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His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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