he puts the penis in happiness.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
