think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
