I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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