if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
