my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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