Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
