he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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