Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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