But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just found puke in my bra..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
