3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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