Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize