She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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