i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
