They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
