dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
