We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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