I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
