If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
